To Dx or Not to Dx

I had the privilege of visiting with a very nice man last night.   We were serving as Greeters at church and we were assigned to the same door.  I had seen him around many times but we had never spoken.  In between opening the door and welcoming the churchgoers he told me a little about his life. 

His speech was halting and he had to search to find the words he wanted to use.   He wasn’t sure on his feet, and walked with a bit of limp.  He told me he was in his 60’s but spoke with the wide eyed excitement of a 10 year old. 

I’m sure, had he not been born in 1950, he would have had several diagnoses with enough letters to have himself a big bowl of alphabet soup.  And through the years, he may well have gathered some diagnoses.. but that’s not what we talked about.

He told me of how he went to Bible School.  He told me how he felt like he was called to work in ministry.  And he told me of how his mother told him he would never be able to do that.  He told me that his mother always told him that he would never amount to anything.    This is his childhood memory.  And it broke my heart.

To be fair, there wasn’t as much information available in the 1950’s.  Learning Disabilities didn’t become a popular term until the 60’s.  Before that every learning difference pretty much fell under the umbrella of “mental retardation” and the stigma that carried. 

Today we know more.  We know that there is an entire spectrum of Learning Disabilities, all spelled out in cryptic letters as if they are some secret code.  ADD, ADHD, ADS, SID, PDD-NOS… and these “disabilities” usually travel in groups, called comorbids.   And there are medications and therapies for them all.  And it seems that once we treat one, something else pops up, so we treat that only to find another comorbid which needs treating.  And suddenly we step back and realize that between pills and therapies and doctors visits, we have unwittingly sent the message that my church friend’s mother said to him all those years ago.  

“You will never amount to anything.  There is just too much wrong with you.” 

No, it’s not what we mean to send by any means.  We only want to help.  We want to fix the problems.   But I wonder, if by focusing so much attention on the “problems” that we are missing all the things that are so very right in these children. 

I wonder why it has taken so long to realize that when we focus on the positive, the negatives tend to fade and disappear.  And conversely, and all too heartbreaking,  when we focus on the negatives the positives tend to fade and disappear.

Does that mean we shouldn’t seek a diagnosis?  Not at all.  A diagnosis can be freeing.  A diagnosis can lead to therapies that can make life better.  A diagnosis can and should be a tool that helps you go farther, but it should never limit you.  And you don’t need a diagnosis for every little thing that makes you different.  You seek a diagnosis when something hurts, or when you are troubled.  You go the doctor because you have an earache, not because you have differently shaped ears. 

I have a friend who suffers from OCD, (obsessive compulsive disorder) and when I say suffer, I mean suffer.  He is riddled with anxiety about whether the doors are locked and has to check and recheck.  He is troubled by this.  He loses sleep.  It keeps him from enjoying activities.  It hurts him.  I know someone else with the same disorder.  His compulsion manifests in the way he eats.  He must have his own silverware with him when he eats out, his food must not touch, and he must eat his food in a certain order.  He is content with this and it does not trouble him in the slightest.  It’s not hard to see that only one of these guys needs a diagnosis.  Only one needs treatment. 

We did seek out a diagnosis for our son, but only when his “differences” seemed to start troubling him.  When he was little, and literally crawling up the walls, we would ask his pediatrician if he needed to be tested for anything.  She would always say, “I’m sure that we would end up with a diagnosis but I see no reason to worry about it.  He is a homeschooled kid who doesn’t have to be one way to fit into a classroom.  Just let him be.”  Her wisdom stood for a long time, but as my son approached his teen years, some of his behaviors, or quirks began to intensify.  He began to seem more “different” than his peers and I could see it start to bug him.  This was the point that we began to think a diagnosis might be to our advantage. 

I remember talking to him about going to the doctor, telling him over and over again I didn’t think there was anything WRONG with him.  My goal in getting a diagnosis was not to change him, but make him more comfortable with himself.  And it worked.  We got a diagnosis and a treatment plan that included the Wilbarger Brushing Protocol that was nothing less than a miracle for him. 

I also remember the doctor telling me that he would need a therapist as he became an older teen, because “these kids” tend to get angry and depressed and need someone to talk to that isn’t Mom or Dad.  I politely told her I would keep that in my mind, but in my mind, I was pretty sure that would never happen.   And I was right.  He went through those formative teen years with no issues at all. 

Yet, I hear all the time about kids who didn’t have that same experience.  My son seems to be the exception where the rule seems to be angry, sad kids.  And I’m wondering if maybe the problem is the school system where differences are discouraged rather than celebrated.  Different equals Defective.  How can any child go through 12 years of being reminded he is different, of being set apart for his differences, and continually being sent the message he must be fixed?  It probably wouldn’t take long for that child to accept that he is broken.  And that could easily result in an angry, sad child.

But it’s not just our school system.  We as parents have a huge responsibility to take care of our kids and we don’t want to ever leave any stone unturned.  Maybe another doctor, maybe another treatment…  And all the while, the message is being sent…  “there is something wrong with you that must be fixed.”

Maybe all that needs to be fixed is our perspective.

Step back.  Take a good look at your child.  Think of all the ways he is different.  Now think of all the ways those differences make him a better person.   Run with that.  Now picture many years from now, when he meets a new friend and begins to tell of his life.  Picture him bragging on his Mom who always encouraged him and told him he could do anything.

If only my new friends’ mom had known this.  If only she had realized that there were lots of things her son could do or be.  She was only wanting “normal” but she never knew that there are far, far, better things to be than normal. 

Defining the Learning Years

Their eyes widen and they usually gasp a little. Those are the reactions we get from those who have never really thought about our educational system critically. When we try to explain the concept of self directed education for teens here at eLemenT, we often hear, "But won't they miss out on things that are going to be important later?"

They are usually taken by surprise when we answer, "Maybe."

So what if they do miss out?

What amazes me is that most people assume the purpose of high school is to learn everything you will need to know for a successful life...as if learning stopped at high school. Like nothing much else will happen in the next sixty years? How much do your actually remember from your high school classes. I actually forgot that I ever took chemistry until I saw my report card in an old scrapbook. Ironic that I had an A. Personally, most of the skills I use now were learned after high school--even after my college degree. Funny how a person can keep on learning after the diploma.

What needs the new perspective for most people, is the idea that we create lifetime learners here. True learning happens with things and ideas you use and or care about. If that is not quadratic equations for now, that doesn't mean that some time down the road you might choose to learn advanced algebra. Pressure of an outdated set of standards is not a good motivator for true learning.

What happens around here is enough to make a teacher smile--often. Teachers live for those "a ha" moments when a students gets it, the times when they choose to learn more than we expect. Rare in the traditional school setting, it is common in our educational environment. Today for example.

Last week when we finished up a course,Optimizing Brain Power, I asked around for suggestions for a replacement class. One of the options was an online astronomy class. One brought free of charge by real astronomers. (Have you noticed that those who are really passionate about a subject make the best teachers?) At first the younger students seemed a little cautious. Astronomy sounded hard. Then they heard a couple of our young mentors talking about black holes, the string theory and other assorted facts they had learned from independent research. (After formal courses in biology, chemistry and physics, who had time to learn astronomy in high school?) Hmm. Maybe it was a little more interesting if these older guys seemed enthusiastic. I went ahead and put it on the schedule, even though our staff members were the only ones to formally commit to the class.

Today, when I announced it was time for the Astronomy class to begin, I asked who was interested. Immediately both mentors, themselves not quite two years out of high school, jumped up with enthusiasm. Then, two previously uninterested students joined them.

What am I proud of in this scenario? Not that our students responded to the leading of their mentors, though that is a critical part of our plan. No, I  smile when I see these young men, once my students, still eager to engage in active learning. They don't see their diploma as the end of learning, just as a hoop to jump through to fulfill what society said they needed.

So what if a student who chooses game development over French lessons or 20th century history over Government? What if a teen never actually masters algebra? The good news is that learning never ends. Technology has placed the ability to learn almost anything immediately at our fingers. We live in an amazing time. No longer do we need worry about getting it all in or fret that our scope and sequence has too many gaping holes. Knowledge is there for the taking. At eLemenT, we are teaching a better lesson. We help students realize that they can learn anything at anytime in a myriad of ways. That is the key to becoming the innovative thinkers, the problem solvers that future employers are really looking for.

By the way, the astronomy class was excellent. We can't wait for next week.

Indiegogo Campaign

We are really excited to be launching an Indiegogo campaign for eLemenT. The kids and staff worked on a great new video promo for this project. It is awesome. It is so hard when teens want to be a part, but cannot afford tuition. While our heart would be to charge nothing, the reality of having a great house where kids feel at home, paying for heat and air conditioning, insurance and tutor salaries---we just have to charge tuition. We still have managed to keep it well below the cost of all other types of school.

Please consider a contribution to our scholarship fund. It could change the world!

Heartbreak

I didn't know him--yet I did. Its the kind of thing you don't hear on the news. But when you hear the news, something in your spirit just cries. A friend of a friend of a friend just lost a son to suicide. A highschooler. The time of life that is so full of promise. What caused him to lose hope?

To that I don't have the answer, but I did get some clues. The friend of a friend of a friend says he was bullied.  Not at one school, but two. I have no doubt his parents loved him. When the public school proved to be a place where he was taunted, the family took charge. They enrolled the young man in the "best" college prep private school in town. This school costs more than double what our program asks. Yet was this the best choice for this teenager? Obviously, the answer is no.

The messenger in our group, with her words cloaked in tears, whispered that the teasing and belittling had continued. A public school teacher on hearing the news, audibly gasped when she heard the school to which he had transferred. 'It is even worse there!" she exclaimed. Every head hung low to hide the hurt.

They say he wasn't a nerd and he wasn't gay--as if nerds and homosexuals were the only type of child to be bullied. I don't know what caused the disconnect for this young man. But I know him. The hurt, the trama of facing the sea of people knowing nothing kind awaits you. Among hundreds of potential friends, yet somehow not belonging.

My heart cried for this young man. I know that I know that he would have found relief at eLemenT. Our young mentor staffers, our program directors, are amazing people. Although still in their teens themselves, they are wise. They understand what it means to have the world think you are broken. They have a heart to reach teens. At this point in our launch they are working for free. If they didn't care, they would have moved on. We all look forward to each day, working with the students we have and hoping each time we will meet a potential student that we get to tell them that the worst is over. From here on out, they will be in a place of respect, a place where it is good to be different.

If only that family knew about us. Please tell your friends, co-workers and family members about eLemenT. It could make all the difference in the world.

Is High School the Best Time of Your Life? A Word on Our Vision.

I remember trying so hard in high school. So hard to make it a wonderful time. Afterall, I grew up in the era  of 'Happy Days' (the TV show--not the actual fifties) Society tells us those teenage years are the best years of your life. I did everything I knew to make the best of it...to hide the fact that in many ways,  I was miserable. My version of coping with the pain of unpopularity was to try to be the super achiever. Great grades, leadership in clubs, involvement in competitions. I was seeking validation, but it was empty. What I really needed was accepting relationships to build my self-worth. I never got that in high school. From what I hear, the large school model has not improved. Perhaps it is even worse for today's students. Just look at the bullying epidemic and school shootings. Something is wrong.

I saw an Facebook post from Quick Trip the other day. It asked fans if they missed school days. What might surprise some, but not me, was the overwhelming number who insisted (some quite vehemently) that school was not an experience they remembered fondly, missed or in anyway would want to return to. The numbers I tallied about three hours after the post had 8 fans who liked and missed school, 11 fans who answered something different from the actual question posted, and a whopping 26 fans who made negative comments about their education. Three times more negative reactions than positive memories. So why do we continue to believe that the institutional model of education is good for everyone?

Here at eLemenT, we have always had the vision to change that negative school experience for teens. Knowing that, we have been looking into the possibility of showing the documentary of the film Bully. Just watching the trailer will break your heart. As I  watch with tears streaming down my cheeks, I know we are going to make a difference. We are going to rescue teenagers from the cruelty and offer-- maybe for the first time-- a place that values them for who they are. As we are talking to more and more families, we are seeing the need to build a scholarship fund. It is our heart to never turn away a student who wishes to join our program. At the same time, however, the cost of providing a location, tutoring, computers and curriculum is staggering. We are operating on a shoe string budget, and pouring our personal finances into this project. It is something we believe in so strongly.

If you too have the memories of hurt and frustration from your schooling years, please consider a gift to scholarship a student. If you or your child is a victim of bullying, please talk to us, even if you don't now have the means of paying the tuition. If I had been able to be in a program like ours, I would have jumped on the opportunity in a heart beat. How about you? If you would too, perhaps you can make it possible for a teen who is struggling today.

Quit School? Are You Kidding?

I got an interesting comment during our open house this weekend. One grandfather asked me an intriguing question, “Aren’t you afraid parents are going to get upset with you if you tell their teenagers to leave school?” (He had tuned out what I was explaining about testing kids for their learning styles and motivation, and had zeroed in on a book on our shelf—Grace Llewellyn’s Teenage Liberation Handbook: How to Quit School and Get a Real Life and Education. I must assume he himself is a visual learner.)

My response? “That is exactly what we are here for.” His eyebrows shot up at that one. This man, who happens to have a loving and generous heart, is exactly where so many of us have found ourselves over the years…parent or grandparent to a child who simply does not fit the traditional school system. Having been through the system ourselves, state run schooling—or at least its counterpart in the private realm—has led us to believe that success lies only after meeting the requirements demanded of the institutional model. How could anyone lead a successful life as a drop out?

Drop Out? Who says leaving traditional education is the equivalent of giving up on life? Yet that tends to be the assumption. Like many areas of life, that assumption is wrong. Certainly there are those who drop out of school, only to live with marginal employment and the social concerns that come with poverty. While the reasons for that tragic scenario are complex and the answers even more so, leaving school is not necessarily the death knell of ambition. We at eLemenT have left that industrial model of education behind, only to discover time and time again a blossoming of confidence and excitement for learning that comes when a student is allowed to learn in the way that best fits. With the pace that produces understanding and with subjects that are fueled by his or her natural curiosity, students thrive. We have been amazed at what kids accomplish when they no longer fear being left behind, being teased and labeled, and in essence, fearing failure. Though we hate it, we know that schools create winners and losers. We refuse to accept that loser status forced onto students. At eLemenT, we hold onto the creed that Fairness is not everyone getting the same things, but rather Fairness is everyone getting what they need to be successful. Sometimes, that means leaving the methods of traditional school behind.

Our grandfather guest later admitted that he was himself, a failure at academics in school. Despite that, he went on to be a hugely successful entrepreneur. Once he considered how little benefit his public education had actually been, a smile crept onto his face and his eyes lit up. I am thinking he caught our vision. Sometimes the most vital step to success is to quit school.

Divergent Thinkers

 

The scenario may be familiar to you.  Your child is working on his math homework but he has been stuck on the same problem forever.  What’s worse, the math problem is one that you know he knows how to do but he just can’t seem to come up with the answer.  And so he sits at his desk seemingly thinking about everything but math.    As frustrating as this is to you, I can guarantee your student is equally frustrated. 

The problem isn’t laziness and the problem isn’t lack of discipline.  The problem could very well be the way your learner’s brain is wired. 

 

While some students think convergently, which in our scenario is the ability to take all the small pieces of a math problem and funnel them down into one precise answer, our student mentioned above is probably a divergent thinker.  Instead of putting the small pieces together, he gets caught up in examining all the options of the pieces, and seeing how many small pieces the small pieces contain.  

If we were inside the head of a convergent thinker it might sound something like this:

 

4 X 3 = 12

 

While the same problem in the mind of a divergent thinker might sound something like this:

 

4 X 3 …   is the same as 3 X 4…  and probably the same as 3 X 2 X 2, which reminds me of two by two which reminds me of Noah’s ark which makes me wonder when it rained last or when it will rain next.  I wonder what the weather is doing right now.  

 

This process will continue until the student discovers  a cure for cancer or until he is called out for daydreaming.    Unfortunately, the latter is more likely, making the former more and more difficult.

But the truth is, these divergent thinkers could change the world.  That is if they are not constantly told that their strength is a weakness, and their talent will trip them up.

 

Ironically, after a learner graduates from a traditional school setting, it is likely that the powers that be will have extinguished any divergent thinking flame, simply because it’s more convenient… for the powers that be, that is.  But upon graduation, as the learner is pouring through want ads, looking for the perfect job, they will find that divergent thinkers are increasingly sought after in the real world.    Frustrating to say the least!

So, the question becomes how can we capitalize on divergent thinking skills and still teach math without ending up learning about the weather every time..  Simply change the types of questions you ask.  For instance, instead of asking what 3 X 4 equals, ask how many different ways can we arrive at the number 12.  Really, this works in any subject.  Just  ask open questions where there can be more than one answer. Then watch genius ensue.

 

But don’t be surprised if you take a few rabbit trails on your learning journey.  And don’t discount them.  The rabbit trails may not be what you are teaching at the moment, but they are where the most monumental discoveries can be made.

~~Melanie Walenciak